🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤
🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤🔤8️⃣🔤0️⃣

Criteria for band 8.0:

The message can be followed with ease.
Information and ideas are logically sequenced, and cohesion is well managed.
Occasional lapses in coherence and cohesion may occur(this part is important)
Paragraphing is used sufficiently and appropriately.

Here's why:

When I checked the essay against the band 7 criteria, it didn't match

Band 7 criteria basically say:
✔️a few lapses
✔️some inaccuracies in referencing and substitution

These errors do not exist in the essay, so it must be a band 8 or 9 essay.

Honestly, there is no big difference between band 8 and 9 in Coherence and Cohesion.
The biggest difference is this:

✔️Band 9: Lapses are minimal
✔️Band 8: Lapses are occasional

In this context, a lapse is anything that makes the text hard to follow.
In my essays, I can point out two lapses:

1️⃣🔤Phrases like "another disadvantage" and "another advantage" are repeated in consecutive sentences
2️⃣🔤The transition between the first disadvantage (lack of discussions) and the second disadvantage (lack of bonding) feels a bit sudden and abrupt.

Here's what can push it to band 9.0

1)Instead of repeating the word 'another', I can use alternatives like 'a further drawback' or 'an additional downside'

2)A linking sentence or phrase connecting the two ideas could make the flow smoother: 'In addition to missing discussions, being alone also impacts social interactions'

#task2
#essay