#WT2 #myessays
Professional feedback:
Overall 8.0
Cohesion and Coherence - 8.0
Summary
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Revisions
"...On the one hand, a slight decline in the number of days on which we have to commute to work might be greatly advantageous as it entails enhances in productivity as well as work-life balance..."
Suggested Revision: On the one hand, a reduction in the number of work days could be highly beneficial, as it would lead to increased productivity and a better work-life balance.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
"...On the other hand, I believe we have to take several key points into account before making such a huge decision as the system are not ready for this..."
Suggested Revision: On the other hand, we must consider several key points before implementing such a significant change, as the current system is not ready for it.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the grammar is correct.
"...In conclusion, even though having a shorter business week sounds exciting as it brings multiple benefits especially to the employees, I believe the majority of companies are still unprepared to change in such a drastic way..."
Suggested Revision: In conclusion, although a shorter work week may seem appealing and offer numerous benefits, I believe most companies are not ready to make such a drastic change.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the grammar is correct.
Grammatical range and accuracy - 8.0
Summary
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Revisions
"...On the one hand, a slight decline in the number of days on which we have to commute to work might be greatly advantageous as it entails enhances in productivity as well as work-life balance..."
Suggested Revision: On the one hand, a slight decrease in the number of work days could be greatly advantageous as it would lead to increased productivity and work-life balance.
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
"...For instance, if we had a shorter business week tomorrow, how much work should now be required from each employee?.."
Suggested Revision: For instance, if we were to have a shorter work week starting tomorrow, how much work should be required from each employee?
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
"...How about from the managers, what do we need to do to keep making the same amount of profits even after this modification in the system?.."
Suggested Revision: What about the managers? What do we need to do to maintain the same level of profitability after this system modification?
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
Lexical Resource - 8.0
Summary
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Revisions
"...Obviously, although this change could provide its benefits as staff members become more mentally and physically fresh after resting for a longer period, I believe we are yet not ready to make the switch..."
Suggested Revision: Clearly, although this change could benefit staff members who may feel more mentally and physically refreshed after a longer period of rest, I believe we are not yet ready to make the switch.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and natural, and the word choice is more precise.
Professional feedback:
Overall 8.0
Cohesion and Coherence - 8.0
Summary
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Revisions
"...On the one hand, a slight decline in the number of days on which we have to commute to work might be greatly advantageous as it entails enhances in productivity as well as work-life balance..."
Suggested Revision: On the one hand, a reduction in the number of work days could be highly beneficial, as it would lead to increased productivity and a better work-life balance.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
"...On the other hand, I believe we have to take several key points into account before making such a huge decision as the system are not ready for this..."
Suggested Revision: On the other hand, we must consider several key points before implementing such a significant change, as the current system is not ready for it.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the grammar is correct.
"...In conclusion, even though having a shorter business week sounds exciting as it brings multiple benefits especially to the employees, I believe the majority of companies are still unprepared to change in such a drastic way..."
Suggested Revision: In conclusion, although a shorter work week may seem appealing and offer numerous benefits, I believe most companies are not ready to make such a drastic change.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the grammar is correct.
Grammatical range and accuracy - 8.0
Summary
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.
Revisions
"...On the one hand, a slight decline in the number of days on which we have to commute to work might be greatly advantageous as it entails enhances in productivity as well as work-life balance..."
Suggested Revision: On the one hand, a slight decrease in the number of work days could be greatly advantageous as it would lead to increased productivity and work-life balance.
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
"...For instance, if we had a shorter business week tomorrow, how much work should now be required from each employee?.."
Suggested Revision: For instance, if we were to have a shorter work week starting tomorrow, how much work should be required from each employee?
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
"...How about from the managers, what do we need to do to keep making the same amount of profits even after this modification in the system?.."
Suggested Revision: What about the managers? What do we need to do to maintain the same level of profitability after this system modification?
Explanation: The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and is more natural and clear.
Lexical Resource - 8.0
Summary
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Revisions
"...Obviously, although this change could provide its benefits as staff members become more mentally and physically fresh after resting for a longer period, I believe we are yet not ready to make the switch..."
Suggested Revision: Clearly, although this change could benefit staff members who may feel more mentally and physically refreshed after a longer period of rest, I believe we are not yet ready to make the switch.
Explanation: The revised sentence is more clear and natural, and the word choice is more precise.