We all know what happened a few days ago. You didn't see that lovely "I GOT IN" post, and there were no thousands of new subscribers spamming "congratulations!!!" in my comment sections.
Letters of rejection and the sadness that comes with them have filled and continue to fill my days of meaningful existence. Tens of pages of reflections and empty cups with the aroma of coffee have led me to look at the world again, but more carefully. Kokand, where my family tree is rooted.
The connection between me and this city has always been stimulating. Seeing the difference in opportunities between me and my peers gives me reasons for gratitude and, at the same time, creates toxic pressure. I can list reasons for that pressure like you list Instagram reels, but not today. An average teenager from Kokand doesn't have opportunities equal to those of teens in Tashkent, especially compared to those who apply to American universities. They typically have more opportunities: their parents can afford to invest in their education, they have the necessary contacts to do what needs to be done, or they simply have more freedom of choice and time. My brain keeps throwing thoughts at me like, "You had so many opportunities, but screwed them all up. The irony of human fate will punish you for not using those opportunities, and you will regret it."
What you do is blame yourself, like I did and like you did or do.
But then the realization hit me. Kokand represented my current state. Kokand was the fallen city of the unfallen, the only Khanate that fought till the end. If you approach anyone from Kokand and ask in which region it is located, they will tell you that Kokand is an independent city, not a region. That's the moment. Kokand and its citizens live in the past. If you have the time and money, visit Kokand one day, and you will see that it exists in a different reality regarding thoughts and views. It sounds cynical, but it's true. And that is where I found myself. I stood there thinking of the past, regretting, blaming others like Kokand. But did that solve anything?
You got rejected; you fucked up. You missed the chance to sit in Kun Uz's studio and tell your made-up story. You missed the chance to manipulate the minds of the class of 2030 and sell your admissions courses without any experience, just to ruin some kid's future. But don't let yourself become Kokand. Do not allow yourself to live in the past with regrets and dreams of "what if." Getting into an Ivy League institution would help and solve many problems in your life, but it is what it is. You didn't lose the game; you just took a different path. Getting into university is part of your journey toward your goal, and when this path is lost, change the way, not the goal.
So much time, effort, and hope—for nothing. Is it sad? Yes, very much. But now you have a decision to make. You can whine about your failure, accept it in your 30s, regret your inaction, and whine once again, or you can accept it now and create another path to your goal.
You lost the battle—a crucial one—but not the war. Stand up and fight other battles. And don't let yourself become a new Kokand—living in the past, regretting it, and spending your future and present dwelling on what was long ago.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
@YakhyoKadyrov