how to edit essays? part 1
the first thing you have to pay attention to is the kind of essay.
1. if it is personal statement, you need to immediately ask a question (after reading): is this about me? most essays i read are about your interaction, observation, and action with the outer world - which is fine - but they almost universally lack one thing: why is this important to you? why are you telling this? if you are lacking this, start a new paragraph: "This story/experience is important to me because ... (and insert your answer here)" Now, of course this is written for the sake of brainstorming. Once you identify why that particular story is important you, you remove the template I gave, and fit in your answer to an overall narrative.
2. another sentence/paragraph level mistake that is similar to the earlier one is talking too much about the exterior world in descriptions. For example, you may talk too much about how a plov is cooked, how bustling chorsu is (do NOT write bustling Chorsu for god's sake), or about other terms that you think gives cultural, diversity element. of course, this can be useful in painting a setup, but give it just enough to setup the story that follows. when i was applying, i had cooking internships (ironically), and I woud very briefly describe it through my actions with cooking: i was cutting onion and i found that i cut my fingers. i was cooking plov but found it became biryani, etc. the point is, unless you had direct engagement, better not write those generic descriptions. you had so many interactions with other cultural elements, be it collecting apricots from trees and falling, and more. better use those. but even then, you need to make sure each description builds up your personality. if it does not give the reader a glimpse of your personality, be it direct or indirect, cut it. be ruthless with cutting out.
3. In supplemental essays (here i was supposed to drop my essay checking services, but i wont lol), the most common mistake i see is that everyone constantly praises the school. no, colleges know about their offerings. hence, instead of talking only about the college and its location, courses, and traditions, give a very niche academic interest, tradition or ritual, quirky habits or talents, or some other very unusual and peculiar thing you have, find that thing at your target uni, and say that this club/course/prof/place seems like an ideal place to follow your interests. imagine you are selling a pen to your client, you cannot only talk about the pen, nor can you talk about the client only. you need to talk about both. you need to find one specific need/interest the client/yourself/college has that others cant trigger, and capitalize that. therefore, after finishing each supplemental, ask yourself: a) did I reveal something unusual/interesting about me? b) did i show unusual research and understanding of the college? c) could i be fit without even dropping any of the course/offering's names? if your answers to all these questions is yes, you are on the right track.
if you found this mini-article useful and would like me to continue writing, leave a reaction, and share it with your friend/channel.
@levshacloser
