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On the Spectrum

@on_spectrum
Channel's geo and language: Uzbekistan, English
Category: Other

Firuza Haydarova
The sophomore at the University of Minnesota | EYUF'23
Majoring in Special Education with emphasis on ASD and Developmental Psychology

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On the Spectrum

23 Feb, 23:01

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Muloqot, Til va Nutq - autizmning asosiy alomatlarimi?

3 haftadan buyon Minneapolis boshlang'ich maktablariga qarashli Marcy maktabida amaliyot qilyapman. Bu safar autizmi bor bolalar sinfida ularni kuzatib, o'qituvchiga yordam beryapman. Sinfda 7 ta o'quvchi bo'lishiga qaramasdan ularning simptomlari-yu, gapirishlari har xil. Biri ma'lum miqdordagi so'zlarni ayta olsa, boshqasi umuman gapira olmaydi, lekin terapiyalar yordamida og'iz mushaklari shug'ullantiriladi. Ba'zilarining esa tili biyron, tinmay gapirishadi, qolganlari esa faqat o'ziga kerakli vaqtda so'zlashadi. Nutqdagi nuqsonlar esa autizmning asosiy alomati hisoblanadi. Lekin yana alomatlar bir-biridan faqr qiladi.

Muloqot (communication) - bu og‘zaki til, imo-ishoralar, tana tili, yozma til yoki imo-ishora tili orqali xabarlarni yuborish va qabul qilishning barcha shakllarini o‘z ichiga olgan umumiy atamadir.

Til (language)- so‘zlarning qoidalarga asoslangan kombinatsiyasi orqali g‘oyalar va xabarlarni shakllantirishni o‘z ichiga olgan aloqa turi hisoblanadi.

Nutq (speech) - og‘iz harakatlari orqali tovush chiqarish yo‘li bilan tilni ifodalash jarayonidir. (Goldstein & Ozonoff, 2018)

Men kuzatayotgan bolalarning muloqoti turlicha. Ular tili, elektron qurilmalar (iPadlar), turli xil rasmlar yoki imo-ishoralar orqali gaplashishadi. Eshitishadi, tushunishadi, lekin siz bilan gaplashish uchun har xil usullardan foydalanishadi. Ular tilni tushunishadi, uskunalardagi yozuvlarni o'qishadi, devor va doskadagi ko'rsatmalari o'qib, amal qilishadi. Grammatikani o'rganishadi, hikoyalar, gaplar tuzishadi. Lekin ularning muammosi nutqida. O'zlari biladigan til tovushlarni odatiy rivojlanayotgan bolalardek chiqarishmasliklari ularning nutqini buzadi.

Autizm rostdan ham uzun spektr. Bolaning nutqining rivojlanishi ham ana o'sha spektrdagi o'rniga bog'liq.

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On the Spectrum

21 Feb, 18:46

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Nega odamlar o'z joniga qasd qilishadi (suitsid)?

Qarang, odamlar shunchaki muammolar paydo bo‘lganda o‘z joniga qasd qilishmaydi. Odamlar hayotlari og‘ir bo‘lganda o‘z joniga qasd qilishadi, va bu juda nozik nuqta, ular buni o‘z aybi deb hisoblashadi. Ular his qilayotgan qiyinchilikni o‘zlarining shaxsiy mas'uliyati bilan bog‘lay olishmaydi, va bu esa ularni kuchli uyatni his qilishiga olib keladi. Endi, bu yerda nima sodir bo‘lyapti?

Qarang, men jamiyatimiz individualistik ekanligini aytsam, bu shuni anglatadiki, odamlar o‘z hayotiy hikoyalarini to‘liq nazorat qila olaman deb o‘ylashadi. Ular bilan sodir bo‘ladigan voqealar bevosita ularning kim ekanligi va nima qilganligi bilan bog‘liq deb bilishadi. Lekin bu har doim ham shunday bo‘lmagan. Tarixning uzoq davrlarida odamlar o‘z hayotlaridagi natijalar bilan shunchalik bog‘liq bo‘lishmagan. Buni moliyaviy ahvol bilan tushuntirish mumkin. Masalan, qadimgi ingliz tilida kambag‘al odamni "unfortunate" (baxtsiz) deb atashgan. Keling, shu so‘zni tahlil qilamiz: "unfortunate" so‘zida "fortuna"degan so‘z bor. "Fortuna" rimliklar uchun omad va taqdir ma'budasi bo‘lgan. Rimliklar "Fortuna"ga qurbonliklar keltirib: "Bu men emas, bu tashqi kuchlar" deb iltijo qilishgan. Hozir bu g‘alati tuyulishi mumkin.

Eng individualistik davlat – AQShda kambag‘allarni qanday atashadi? Bu yoqimli atama emas. Ularni "loser" (yutqazuvchi, mag‘lub) deb aytishadi. "Bu odam – loser." Shunday qilib, biz 400 yillik davr mobaynida "unfortunate"(baxtsiz) so‘zidan "loser"(mag‘lub) so‘ziga o‘tib keldik. Bu vaqt davomida odamlarning taqdiri uchun kim javobgar ekani haqidagi tasavvur o‘zgargan.

Hozirda men sizga:
"Stiven, ishlarim yaxshi ketmayapti. Ishdan haydaldim. Kitobim sotilmadi. Lekin bu mening aybim emas, shunchaki biroz omadsizlik bo‘ldi, desam, siz – juda yaxshi odam bo‘lishingizga qaramay – zamonaviy tafakkurga ega bo‘lganingiz uchun darhol shunday deb o‘ylaysiz: "U nimanidir noto‘g‘ri qilgan bo‘lishi kerak." Siz shunday o‘ylaysiz, chunki biz odamlarning shunchaki omadsiz bo‘lishi mumkinligiga ishonmaymiz. Xuddi shuningdek, agar siz menga: "Mening podkastim juda yaxshi ketayapti, 8 ming million, trillion, billion obunachim bor", desangiz, va men so‘rasam: "Qanday qilib bunday bo‘ldi?"*
Siz: "Oh, shunchaki omadim keldi," desangiz, men: "Stiven juda kamtar ekanda, lekin bu to‘g‘ri emas. U albatta nimadir qilgan", deb o‘ylayman.

Biz shunga ishonamizki, odamlar nimanidir qilishadi va bu harakatlar natija yoki muvaffaqiyatsizlikka olib keladi. Shuning uchun odamlar o‘z joniga qasd qilishadi – chunki og‘ir ahvolda ular:
"Menga nima bo‘layotganini mendan boshqa hech narsa tushuntirib bera olmaydi",deb o‘ylashadi.

Aslida esa hayot ancha murakkabroq. Men bu fikr haqiqat deb aytayotganim yo‘q, lekin ko‘pchilik odamlar dunyoni shunday qabul qiladi.

Alain de Botton

The Love Expert: We've Built A Loveless Society & It's Making Us Depressed! (here's the fix!) Alain De Botton - The Diary of a CEO

@on_spectrum
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On the Spectrum

16 Feb, 17:16

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Autizm va Tabassum: nega autistlar boshqacha kulishadi?

Yangi tug'ilgan chaqaloqlarni hech uzoq vaqt kuzatganmisiz? Uyqularida ham miyiqlarida jilmayib qo'yishadi. Chunki taxminan 6-8 haftalikkacha chaqaloqlar ichki organizmida sodir bo'layotgan holatlar sabab yuz mushaklari tabassum yaratadi. Lekin tabiatan odamlar bilan munosabatlar qurishga moslashganimiz uchun, chaqaloqlar ham dunyoga birinchi kunlaridanoq singib ketishadi, kundan-kunga jadal moslashadi. 6-8 haftadan so'ng esa sizni, atrofidagi yangi odamlarning gaplariga, harakatlariga javob bera boshlashadi. Bizning yuqori tovushimiz ularga yoqa boshlaydi, javoban kulib boshlashadi. Ularga qo'shilib biz ham xursand bo'lamiz, birga tabassum qilamiz. Bolalarning odamlar bilan munosabalari shunday yo'sinda davom etib, rivojlanaveradi.

Autistlar qanday kulishadi? Odamlarning teginishlarini ham yoqtirmaydigan bolalar ularga kulib ham qo'yishmaydimi?

Psixologiyada social smile (ijtimoiy tabassum) deb ataladigan, bolaning ilk haftalarida tashqi ta'sirlar orqali paydo bo'ladigan jilmayish, afsuski, ko'pchilik autistlarda kuzatilmaydi yoki juda kech shakllanadi. Holatga e'tibor bering, agar siz bolaga qarasangiz, uni ismini bilan chaqirasiz, uning ko'zlariga qaraysiz, diqqatini sizga qaratishga harakat qilasiz. Chaqaloq ham tanish ovozlarga qaraydi, notanish ovozlarga qiziqadi, bu vaqtda yuzlarni ham ajratishni boshlaydi, hamjihat diqqatga chorlovni ilg'aydi va keyin bir-biringizga kulib qo'yasiz. Autizmi bor bolalar esa ism bilan chaqiruvlarga e'tibor qilishmaydi, yangi odamlarga, ovozlarga ham qiziqish bildirmasliklari mumkin, ko'zlarga tikilish ham ular xos emas. Ijtimoiy yaqinlashuvga olib boradigan qadamlar bosilmagandan so'ng ular jilmayib ham qo'yishmaydi sizga. Yoki bu jarayon neyrotipik rivojlanayotgan bolalarga qaraganda yillarga ham kechikishi mumkin.

Keyingi safar chaqaloqlarga uchrab qolsangiz, ularni kuldirishga harakat qilib ko'ring. Ularda rostdan social smile bormikan?!

@on_spectrum
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On the Spectrum

11 Feb, 06:09

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​​The Reason I Jump (Sakrashimning sababi)
Naoki Higashida

Uzoq o'ylandim. Bir kun kelib, atrofimdagi hodisalardan juda tez ta'sirlanib ketib, o'zimni boshqara olmasam, nima qilaman?! Qo'l-oyoqlarim ba'zida menga bo'ysunmagan xatti-harakatlar qilishsa, nima qila olardim?! Odamlarning bag'riga bosishlaridan bahra ololmasam, ularning tuyg'ularini tushuna olmasam, ularni his qila olmasam, nima bo'lardi?! Uning ustiga, gapirish qobiliyatim man meni tark etsa-chi?

13-yoshli autist bola tomonidan yozilgan bu mo'jaz kitob savol-javoblar asosida qurilgan. Autizm haqida kichkina bolakay o'z o'ylariga, hislariga tayanib asar yaratdi. Eng qizig'i, u hatto gapirolmaydi ham. Onasi yordamida harfli doskadan foydalanishni boshlab, keyinchalik kompyuter orqali so'zlashni o'rgansa-da, kitob ana shu eski doska yordamida yoziladi.

Autizm haligacha murakkab, haligacha sirli. U haqida har bir davlatning alohida tushunchali qonunlari, xoshiyasi turlicha bo'lgan tushunchalari bor. Uning sababi haligacha noma'lum. Uning tashxisi keng qamrovli spektrga asosan qo'yiladi. Butun boshli spektrning esa hali boshi va oxiri noma'lum. Mana shu noaniqliklar ichida yashaydigan bu murg'ak qalb, autist miyasi orqali savollarga javob beradi. Nega u ba'zida o'zidan-o'zi kuladi, nega odamlarning teginishini yoqtirmaydi, nega birdan sakrab xursand bo'ladi, nega o'zi xohlamasa-da, boshini u yoqdan bu yoqqa uradi, nega odamlarning buyruqlariga quloq sola olmaydi, nega ba'zida juda diqqatli, ba'zida o'ta diqqatsiz bo'lib ketadi...?

"Iltimos, bizga zimdan ko'z-quloq bo'lib turing."

Bolakayning kitobda eng ko'p takrorlagan iltimosi. U "normal" odam qanday bo'lishini, autizm yaxshimi yoki neyrotipik bo'lishmi, buning ham farqiga bormaydi. Lekin biladiki, u o'zi xohlamagan, boshqara olmaydigan, ba'zan atrofdagilarga va o'ziga xavf tug'diradigan harakatlari bor.

Kitobni qo'limga olishim bilan o'qishga kirishdim. Har bir ko'rgan autist bolamning harakatlarini qisman bo'lsa-da, ular tomonidan ham ko'rishga yordam berdi. Endi autizm haqida kimdir kitob maslahat bering, deb so'rashsa, boshlang'ich tushuncha uchun shuni tavsiya qilaman.

Hammamiz ham spektrning qayeridadirmiz.
@on_spectrum
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On the Spectrum

8 Feb, 05:04

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Odamlar sizga teginishini yoqtirmasligingiz rostmi?

- Umumiy olganda, autizmi bor odamlar uchun boshqalar orqali teginilish o'z tanasining boshqaruvini teginayotgan odamga berib qo'yishni anglatadi. Hattoki, autist odam o'z tanasini butunlay boshqara olmaydi. Bu xuddiki o'zliklarini butunlayga yo'qotib qo'yishdek tuyiladi. O'zingiz o'ylab ko'ring buning qanchalik qo'rqinchli ekanligini.

The Reason I Jump, Naoki Higashida

Odamlarga teginishdan qo'rqish, ular teginishini xohlamaslik, umuman olganda, yon-atrofdagilar bilan ijtimoiy va insoniy aloqalardan cheklanish, ularni yoqtirmaslik autizmning belgilaridan biri. Tasavvur qiling, do'stingiz yoki oila a'zolaringizdan birini xursandligingizdan bag'ringizga bosmoqchisiz, lekin ular sizni har safar o'zidan irg'itib tashlashadi, yoqtirmasliklarini sezdirishadi. Siz uchun esa bu oddiy, odamlarni hissan birlashtiradigan harakat. Miyasi va xulq-atvori oddiy odamlarnikidan farqlanadigan autistlar uchun esa bu harakat noqulaylikdan boshqasini anglatmaydi. Tanasini har xil takrorlanuvchi xatti-harakatlarga undovchi miyasi ularga boshqaruvni bermagandan so'ng, boshqa qo'llar tomonidan o'ralgan tana o'zini yanada boshqaruvsiz his qiladi. O'zlarida bor ozgina nazorat ham ulardan go'yo tortib olingandek seziladi. Tanangiz ruhingizniki emasligini anglash esa, albatta, sizga noqulaylik va qo'rqinch fikrini beradi.

Autizmning birinchi mezoni - ko'plab holatlarda ijtimoiy aloqalar va muloqotdagi muammolarning yuzaga kelishi. Teginishdan hadiksirash yoki uni yoqtirmaslik ham bunga yaqqol misol bo'ladi.

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On the Spectrum

27 Oct 2024, 14:32

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Attachment Types versus Songs (Part 2)

Insecure-avoidant attachment. The behaviors of insecure-avoidant attachment include suppressing the emotions, relying on one-self, avoidance of an attachment figure, and distant relationships. In this attachment, one can show a relatively little distress about the leaving of an attachment figure, and in times of distress, when they are being upset, they again avoid the caregiver. The song “Someone like you” by Adele can exemplify this attachment type. In this song, even though Adele is showing deep emotional pain, she chooses the way to rely on herself and find another way to cope with it rather than seeking comfort or safety, and expressing her feelings openly, and distancing herself from the attachment figure. Avoidant attachment behavior often occurs when a person experiences attachment related stressors such as rejection. In the song, the narrator experiences a breakup from a loved one, instead of seeking emotional comfort and attempting to solve the issue, she tries to control herself and hides her true feelings. For example, “I wish nothing but the best for you, too” phrases highlight the emotional suppression. She is showing herself detached from the relationship and masking it with wishing the best to the attachment figure. The internal working model of insecure-avoidant attachment is defined by the dismissive or unavailable caregivers in their past. It can result in learning to rely on oneself solely, not seeking for protection when distressed, and disbelieving the fact that their emotional needs are important and can be met. In the lines “I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited, but I couldn’t stay away, I couldn’t fight”, the character is trying to hide her emotional state. But her attachment is activated and she gets back to her lost self, even though she is suppressing her need of support. The song draws strong demonstration of insecure-avoidant attachment by highlighting the emotional suppression, choosing independence over intimacy and masking her feelings by distancing herself from them.

P.S. This was the funnest paper I have ever written to be honest. Developmental Psychology papers are always fun.

@MinnesotanPeggy
Adele - Someone Like You (Official Music Video)
Listen to "Easy On Me" here: http://Adele.lnk.to/EOM Pre-order Adele's new album "30" before its release on November 19:  https://www.adele.com Shop the "Adele" collection here: http://shop.adele.com Buy/Listen 25: http://smarturl.it/25Album?IQid=yt Buy/Listen 21: http://smarturl.it/Adele21Album?IQ...
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On the Spectrum

24 Oct 2024, 05:09

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Attachment Types versus Songs

Secure attachment. The quality of secure attachment is defined by two main factors: secure base and safe haven. If the idea of an attachment figure gives one a secure feeling, calms them down, makes them feel better, relieves their stress, and makes them feel confident and allows them to explore the world by being a trusted person, this is a secure base. If one can return to the attachment figure in times of distress for comfort and safety, this is a safe haven. For this attachment type, “Photograph” by Ed Sheeran can be a good example. The lyrics emphasize deep emotional connections, the importance of keeping memories and how memories are valuable, and finding happiness in each other. Secure attachment activates when the person feels distressed, and is in need of comfort and any emotional support. The given example demonstrates that love can help people out in times of struggle, it can heal each other and can mirror safety and comfort. The internal working model of secure attachment figures involves a positive view of each other. They constantly feel love and support and they have a strong belief that their attachment figures can come and meet their emotional needs. Positivity, consistency and active responsiveness are keys in secure attachment internal working model. In the song, the lyrics about being there for each other, coming home, keeping and cherishing the memories reflect that there is trust and expectation of getting response from an attachment figure. These also suggest that the idea of love is shared which means there is a strong positive emotional bond between two people. Overall, “Photograph” highlights the essential factors of secure attachment, the contexts in which the activation of this attachment occurs, and its internal working model highlights healthy and loving relationships.

P.S. I have written a paper about finding different attachment types in songs in my developmental psychology class and wanted to share it here type by type.

@MinnesotanPeggy
Ed Sheeran - Photograph (Official Lyric Video)
Celebrating the 10 year anniversary of Ed Sheeran's album "X". Anniversary edition is out now: https://es.lnk.to/X-10thAnniversary Order Multiply 10th Anniversary vinyl and merch: https://es.lnk.to/X-10thAnniversary Subscribe to Ed's channel: http://bit.ly/SubscribeToEdSheeran Follow Ed on... ...
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On the Spectrum

16 Oct 2024, 17:34

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Hafta davomida qaysi kitobni o'qiyapmiz?
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On the Spectrum

15 Oct 2024, 16:59

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The Rosie Project
Graeme Simsion

Sevgi - rizq. Seva olish, haqiqatdan yaxshi ko'rish hammamizga ham nasib qilmasligi mumkin. Lekin u qanday hayotimizga kirib qoladi, qachon sevib qolamiz, kim bilan hayotimizni butun umrga bog'lashni xohlaymiz, hammasi mavhum. U kutilmaganda, kutmagan odamimizda, umuman o'zgacha keladi. Uni sezmay qolishimiz, ortga surishimiz, o'zimizdan uzoqlashtirishimiz mumkin, lekin u doim biz bilan, ko'nglimizning bir chekkasida doim yashaydi. Uni sezish, sezmaslik, qabul qilish, qilmaslik, o'zimizning ishimiz.

Aniqlanmagan autizmi bo'lgan Don ham yoshi o'tib borgan sari hayotini bog'lashga odam qidirib boshlaydi. Uning injiqliklarini ko'taradigan, u doim o'zini qulay his qiladigan odamning sifatlarini ro'yxat qila boshlaydi. Juda ko'p odamlar bilan tez-tez ko'rishadi, eng ma'qul kelgani ham uni ko'nglidagidek bo'lib chiqmaydi. Hissiyotlari oddiy odamlardagidek bo'lmagani bois ham, tushkunlikka tushadi. Ko'ngilsizlikda ayblanadi.

Biroq uning hayotini iliq sevgi o'ray boshlaydi. Unga qulaylik, butunligicha o'zi bo'lish, xavotirsiz yashash, quvnoqlikni bera boshlaydi. Nega unga bular muhim edi?

Autizm miyaning emotsiyalarga javob beradigan sohasini kuchsizlantiradi. Autistlar juda kam tuyg'ularni his qilishlari, odamlarga nisbatan "empathy" ham tuymasliklari mumkin. Kino va kitoblardagi qahramonlarni ham shunchaki bir voqea sifatida ko'rib, umuman hissiyotlarga berilmasliklari, qo'shiqlar eshitmasliklari, atrofidagi odamlarning hayotiga umuman qiziqish yo'qotishlari, xullas butun umr ham tuyg'usiz qolib ketishlari mumkin. Balki seva olishmasliklari ham mumkin. Hattoki, odamlarni quchish ham ular uchun juda noqulay holat bo'lib, begonalar bilan shunchaki suhbat qurish ham juda qiyin va ko'p kuch talab qiladi ulardan.

Lekin atrofida uning holatini tushunadigan, unga moslasha oladigan, uni seva oladigan odamlar bilan yaxshi, uzoq va qulaylikda yashashlari mumkin. Ular uchun tuyg'ulari to'lib toshgan odamlar muhim. Ularni to'ldirib turishlari mumkin.

Sevgi qiziq tuyg'u. It can make you break your own rules for a stranger for the sake of love. Don broke all of his rules, tried to change his behavior, made sacrifices for love, for the thing that made his life more beautiful.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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On the Spectrum

14 Oct 2024, 19:49

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The first bonding we build in first hours of our lives

Based on the work of two pediatritians Marshall Klaus and John Kennell, the first maternal-infant bonding should occur right after birth. When they observed the babies who were separated from their mothers because of illness or prematurity or other cases in the first hours of their lives, they noticed that mothers most likely tended to neglect or ignore their babies. They were less comfortable and less certain whether the baby was theirs or not. Sometimes mothers do not want to hold babies if they are not given him/her immediately after birth.

This early separation can interrupt some fundamental bonding processes between the mother and a child. “There is a sensitive period in the first minutes or hours of life during which it is necessary that the mother have close contact with the neonate for later development to be optimal” (Klaus & Kennell, 1976, p. 14). According to animal studies, animal mothers that were separated from their baby animals often rejected them. To develop deep emotional maternal bonding, the mother should hold her child immediately, and remain their skin-to-skin contact. Because of the increased level of oxytocin, the mother are more likely to cuddle, kiss, caress her neonate to develop the bonda, and to comfort the baby.

However, human mothers are more adaptive than animals, of course. Due to a number of medical reasons of early separation, it is okay for mothers and babies to miss the early contact, this sometimes does not have any impact on their later attachment. Mothers can still form a strong close ties with their children even if they have given birth by c-section, or adopted them or when the baby is premature. The development of parent-infant relationship is not magical momentary situation but it is an ongoing social process.

P.S. When I watched the attached video below, I immediately analyzed the scientific explanation of this case which I learned in my developmental psychology class. It is incredible to see the actual expression of what the mother felt at that time.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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On the Spectrum

10 Oct 2024, 19:51

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Attachment is a relationship

Attachments differ from people to people. You cannot build a relationship without an attachment. It is about the quality of attachment. Humans are hard-wired to social interaction. It is in psychology, history, it is in our genes, and it is everywhere. We cannot live without people. it is not how our system works.

The quality of secure attachment is defined by its secure base and safe haven. In simple words, if the idea of attachment figure gives you peace, calms you down, makes you feel better and safe, and this allows you to explore the environment and make you feel confident, this is the secure base. If you can return to the attachment figure for comfort and safety while feeling distressed, this is called safe haven. Secure attachment works like that. To be emotionally mature, you have to have secure attachments.

That's why we love our families. Because they give secure attachments to us. In our later life, we will have our own family, we need to be securely attached to have a peaceful and happy life. And it takes time to build this attachment. It cannot happen immediately. Even for infants it takes months, years to have a strong, healthy, secure attachment with their mothers.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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On the Spectrum

9 Oct 2024, 20:32

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The definition of first love...?!

There is an experiment. A baby monkey was isolated from his mother at birth. After that, he was given two other fake mothers who were made of wire and cloth. The fake wire mother had the ability to do nursing him with her milk, and the second cloth mother did not have this ability. The only thing she had was that she was a bit more cuddly. Some time has passed, and experimentors let the baby monkey go outside and choose a mother. At first, he went to the wire mother because he was hungry. After he got his milk, he immediately turned around and jumped to his cloth mother. He cuddled, kissed, showed his need to get emotional response and safety. Then, the baby monkey was exposed to outside danger, they made him get scared and monitor the results. He again went to his cloth mother to get safety. Why is so? Why he did not go to the wire mother who could feed him?

The first person we tend to build a special bond is our mothers. Even though sometimes they don't have the ability to do nursing, we still love them from early on. Because they show care at all costs. When babies get uncomfortable, they cry. Most of the time, mothers are the first person who cuddles, soothers, and gives first emotional support. This is why we love them. Their love is not about providing our basic needs. Everyone can do that. But bonding and building a secure attachment is their key to earn our love. Mothers, are indeed, our first love in most cases.

Same goes for any kind of love. We don't love someone for the fact that they can provide our basic needs fully. We love people for their care, their love, support. We love people because we know that they are by our side in times of struggle, danger, discomfort, pain. Because humans are hardwired to social interactions. It is in our genes, history, and everything. We cannot deny this fact. Therefore, we always seek for secure base and safe haven from people we love.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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Hafta o'rtasi uchun qanaqa light-read o'qiyapmiz?

Me: The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion
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8 Oct 2024, 15:29

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The curious incident of the dog in the night-time
Mark Haddon

Kitobni o'qishni boshlaganimdanoq nimalarnidir sezdim. Nimadir tanish va boshqa o'qigan kitoblarimga o'xshamasdi. Nimadirlar umuman bu kitobga o'zgacha "vibe" berib turardi. Lekin tanish, juda tanish. Boshlang'ich 10 betini o'qib bo'lganimdan keyin, ishonchim komillashishni boshladi. Qanaqa qilib sezmasligim mumkin?! Har kuni shu haqida o'qisam, ba'zi kunlari muk tushib uni o'rgansan, qanaqasiga anglamasligim mumkin eng birinchi sahifalaridanoq. Eng qizig'i, rivojlanish psixologiyasi va intro to autism sinflarimda o'rganib chiqqan tajribalarimizning parchalarini ham kitobda hayotiy holatda tahlil qilinganini o'qib, yana qayta tahlil qildim.

Xullas, asar yumor asosida "high-functioning" autist bola tilidan yozilgan. Autizmning juda ko'p xarakterlari yumor ortiga mahorat bilan yashirilganki, o'quvchi uni qandaydir kasallik deb ham qabul qilmaydi.

Autizm haligacha bizga sirliligacha qolgan. Butun boshli disorderning hali na sababi, na davosi topilgan. U bizning genetikamizga bog'liq bo'lsa ham, unga javob beradigan alohida bitta gen yo'q. Nechadir yoshimizgacha uni anglashmasliklari mumkin, balki ko'pchiligimiz umrimizning oxirigacha hm bilmasdan, og'ir xarakterli hisoblanib yashashimiz mumkin.

Kristoferning onasini bir umr yomon ko'rsam kerak. Faqat o'zini o'ylagani, bolasining autist ekanligini bilib, shuncha yil kuzatib, haligacha unga o'rganib, moslashmaganini tepa sochim tikka bo'ldi.

Ha, autistlar "g'alati" bo'lishi. To'g'ri, ularning xulq-atvori biznikidan tubdan farq qiladi. Ha, ular ko'proq mehr, tushunish, e'tibor, diqqat, ularga moslashish talab qilishadi. Lekin aslida, hammamiz ham shunaqamiz. Hammamizga ham ko'proq mehr kerak. Tushunishlarini xohlaymiz. Bizga moslashishlarini, e'tibor berishlarini istaymiz.

Menimcha, bu yilgi o'qigan eng yaxshi kitoblarimdan bittasi bo'ldi. Qo'limdan qo'ymay yurdim. Tugatgim kelmadi. Autizm bilan tanishtirish uchun light-read kitob sifatida ishlatishni ham o'ylab ko'rish kerak.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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7 Oct 2024, 21:05

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Qush uyasida ko'rganini qiladi, rostdan ham shunaqami?

Yangi tug'ilgan chaqaloqni 24 soatdan keyin qo'lingizga olsangiz va uni yuzingizga yaqin tutib va o'zingizga qaratib, har xil yuz ifodalari, ayniqsa til chiqarish, xo'mrayish, jilmayishlar qilsangiz, u ham bularni takrorlaydi. Tug'ilganiga hali endigina 1 kun bo'lgan bola sizning harakatlaringizi ko'chirishni boshlaydi. Nega?

Miyamizda neyronlar ko'payish jarayonida ko'zgu neyronlar (mirror neurons) ham rivojlanadi. Dunyoni ko'rgan onimizdan boshlab atrofimizdagi odamlardan ko'chira boshlaymiz. Yuz ifodalarni esa o'zimiz bilmagan holda o'rganamiz. 24 soatlik chaqaloq hali o'zining yuzi borligini ham bilmaydi, lekin neyronlari xuddi ko'zgudek ishlab, uning yuzini harakatga keltiradi. Har bir motor harakatlarimiz, yurishni o'rganishimiz, emaklashimiz, ayniqsa tilimiz chiqishi atrofdagi ko'chirmalarning natijasidir.

Inson dunyoga har tomonlama tayyor bo'lib tug'iladi. Yashab qolish uchun chaqaloq o'zidagi hamma narsani ishlatadi. Hatto uning yoqimtoyligi ham uning "survival skill"i. Keyin atrofdan ma'lumotlar qabul qilib boshlagach, ularni miyasi ko'chirib boshlaydi. Eng qizig'i, ko'zgu neuronlar qaysi tilda gapirishimizni ham ko'chiradi. Ota-onamiz qaysi tilda so'zlashishsa, xuddi o'sha tilda gapirishni boshlaymiz.

Endi o'ylab ko'ring, uyimizdagi odatlar, qoidalar, kattalar tomonidan qilinadigan hamma ishlarni bolalar o'zlari anglamagan holda ko'chirishadi, namuna olishadi. Ularning hammasini ko'rib ulg'ayganimiz sari jarayonlar murakkablashib boradi. Avval yuz ifodalari, tana harakatlari, til, keyinchalik emotsional holatimiz ham oilamizdagi ko'chirmalardan andaza olgan holicha shakllanadi.

Interesting, but a bit scary, huh?

@MinnesotanPeggy
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Forward from: Javohir Akramov
100% is a Breeze and 99% is a B!tch **direct quote

It is disproportionately easier to commit to something 100% than to commit to something 99%. The difference is just 1%, but it can be the difference between success and failure. But why?

When you’re not 100% committed, you leave room for negotiation with yourself. There’s always space for an exception, an excuse. You find yourself thinking, “Skipping one day won’t hurt,” or “Doing it just this once won’t hurt.” That 1% gap leads to doubt, procrastination, inconsistency, and eventually, giving up.

At 99%, you’re constantly faced with a dilemma because every next action could be the 1% you allow yourself to skip. This constant mental tug-of-war between doing it or not doing it is draining.

100% is much easier to stick to. There’s no room for negotiation, doubt, or hesitation. You’re all in. You don’t have to make a conscious choice every time, saving yourself from decision fatigue. Being 100% committed makes things flow.

That 1% is disproportionately annoying and hard. At 100%, you leave no room for excuses. At 99%, excuses are always an option. The mental burden of making a choice disappears when you’re fully committed.

99% sounds almost perfect, but in reality, you’re always on the fence—half in, half out. Indecision drains much more energy than fully committing.

Why does 100% work?

Because 100% brings consistency: you show up every day, no matter what, which creates momentum and builds results. Because 100% brings clarity: you stop overthinking and simply act, and that action keeps pushing you forward. Because 100% brings freedom from guilt: at 99%, you constantly question whether you’re doing enough, but at 100%, you know you are.

Where does the 100% rule apply?

EVERYWHERE. Whether it’s fitness, a hobby, work, or relationships, 100% commitment is always better than 99%. Leave no room for excuses. Commit to your goal 100%.

“But Javohir, striving for perfection will lead to failure because we can’t be perfect, we’re human, bla bla bla…”

I’m glad you asked. The point I’m making isn’t about being perfect or never making mistakes—it’s about committing 100%. Yes, life happens. You might miss a workout, or something unexpected might disrupt your plans. But 100% commitment is about mindset, not flawless execution.

When you’re 100% committed, even if you slip up, you get back on track without hesitation. The difference between 99% and 100% isn’t about avoiding every misstep; it’s about removing doubt and excuses. With 100% commitment, setbacks don’t define you because you’re still fully invested. You’ll keep pushing forward the next day.

@javohirakramov
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5 Oct 2024, 15:05

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Midnight Library - Matt Haig

We only need to be one person. We only need to fill one existence, we don't have to do everything in order to be everything because we are already infinite. While we are alive we always contain a future of multifarious possibility.

Ba'zan shunchalik hayotimiz murakkablashib ketadiki, boshi berk ko'chaga kiramiz, boshimizni qayerga urishni bilmay qolamiz, jonimni olsa-chi, qutulsam hammasidan degan o'y o'tmaydi deb o'ylaysizmi? Eh, bunaqa o'ylar sabab qanchadan-qanchaning boshini yegan. Muammolar tevaragimizni o'rab, o'zimizni bir burchakka chirmab qo'yadi. Bu tugun esa ha deganda yechila qolmaydi.

Umuman sevgisiz, e'tiborsiz qolib, hammasidan yutqazgandek his qilib, ishlarning pachavasi chiqib ketdi deylik, suiqasd o'ylari miyadan o'tdi, masalan. Tugashini xohlading. Nuqtani o'zing qo'ymoqchi ham bo'lding. Nuqta ham qo'yildi. Keyin nima bo'ladi? Qayerga tushasan? O'lim yechimmidi doim?

Midnight library esa o'sha hayot va o'lim orasidagi kutubxona edi. Kutubxona - kitoblar to'la bo'lgan maskan. O'lim va hayot o'rtasidagi kutubxonada nima bo'lishi mumkin? Aynan qanaqa kitoblar bo'lishi kerak? O'zi nega o'lishni xohlagan odam u kitoblarni o'qishi kerak? Nora ham o'ziga shunaqa savollar berardi. Tasavvur qiling, butun hayotingizdagi afsus va pushaymonlaringizni qayta yashab ko'rish imkoni berildi. Yashab berarmidingiz? O'zgarish bo'larmidi shunda?

Shunchaki eng oxirgi xatongizni o'ylang. Agar bunaqa qilganimda edi, bunaqa bo'lardi dersiz. Lekin qayerdan bilasiz aynan shunday bo'lganini? Do'stim aytardi, qilgan ishingdan yo pushaymon bo'lma, yoki pushaymon bo'ladigan ish qilma. Ayni haqiqat. Agar minglab xatolarimizni qaytadan yashab ko'rganimizda ham, ularning har birini o'zida jamlagan kitoblarda yashasak ham hech nima o'zgarmaydi. O'sha baxtsiz holimizda qolamiz. Bir hayot, bir mavjudlik, cheksiz sinab ko'rishlar, urinishlar.

O'lim hech qachon yechim emas, ming tushkunlikka tushsak ham, biz xom sut emgan bandalar yashashni yaxshi ko'ramiz, oldimizga shimoliy qutbda Oq Ayiq kelib qolsa, o'zimizni tutib berishga kuch topib berolmaymiz, kuchimiz boricha yuguramiz. Biz o'lishni emas, doim yashashni xohlaganmiz, qanday hayotimiz bo'lishidan qat'iy nazar.

Every possibility has their own book. But to feel the reading sense, we don't have to read every single book possible, we just have to read the book that we want to read. That's it. To live, we don't have to live every single possible life of ours, we just have one and the one to live with fulfilment.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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Londondan muhabbat ila - Sara Jo

Kitobni qo'limdan qo'ymadim. Ayniqsa, bugun undan ajray olmadim. Qo'limda tutgancha uxlab qolibman. Tushlarimda hamroh bo'ladigan kitoblar kam, lekin bunisini juda yaxshi ko'rdim.

Kitob. Bir qarashda bir necha yuz varoqdan iborat "matncha". Muqovada uni aks ettiradigan kichik surat bo'ladi doim. Agar chinakam kitobxonniki bo'lsa, turli xil xatcho'p yoki gullar ham chiqib qolishi mumkin. Aslida esa aynan shu kitoblar bu dunyoning shovqinidan tin oladigan joyimiz. Qochib ketadigan maskanimiz. Bir o'ylab ko'ring-a, birgina kitobni olasiz va u bilan sayohat qiladigan, turli xil taqdirlarni chetdan kuzatadigan insonga aylanasiz. Tanangiz shu yerda tursa ham, o'zingiz har xil hayotni ta'tib ko'rasiz.

Eloiza. Sevimli qahramonim aylanib ulgurdi. Uning sevgisiga havasim keldi. Sevdi. Butun umri bilan, butun qalbi bilan. Ilk qarashlaridan to so'nggisiga qadar. Asar muhabbatga to'lib yozilgan. Taqdirlar kesishmalari esa yengilgina ulanib, ishoralar orqali o'quvchini esankiratib qo'ymaydi. Eng yoqqan tomoni, asar ikki kishining tilidan oldinma-ketin hikoya qilingani. Bir sahnadan ikkinchisiga o'tishda xuddi kinoteatrdagi parda yopilib, ochilganga o'xshaydi.

Aslida o'zimizga mos muhabbatni qanday topamiz? Qanday bilamiz uni umrbodlik ekanligini? Tavakkal qilish kerakmi? Sevib, keyin sevmay qo'yish-chi? Bo'lishi mumkin emasmi? Kitoblar hayotining mazmuni bo'lgan odamlar qanday seviladi? Ularni tushunuvchi topilishi qiyin emasmi? Ko'zlaring porlab, bir asar haqida gapirasan-u, u senga shunchaki tikilib tursa, og'ir botmaydimi? Ona va bolaning orasidagi sevgi-chi? Ayriliqlar azobi sevgining hajmiga qarab o'lchanadimi? Nega sevib turib, ayrilishadi? Nega sevib turib, ayirishadi?

Shuni bildimki, kitoblarni sevganlarni boshqa qancha o'xshashliklari bo'lmasin, ularga mehr qo'ymaganlar sevolmaydi. Orzulari uyqash bo'lmaydi. Chunki mana shu uydirma qahramonlar uchun kuyingan, sevingan odamlar haqiqiylari uchun ham shunday yonishadi. Birga yona olish esa qiyin masala.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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Childhood Disrupted - Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Anchaaa vaqt ketdi bu kitobni tugatishimga. Oson yozilgani bilan, ichidagilarini hazm qilish ozgina qiyinroq. Chunki yuzlashishni ham xohlamaydigan, doim yubormoqchi bo’lgan bolalik traumalarimiz haqida yozilgan. Ayniqsa, oilaviy traumalar haqida qismlarini o’qishga qiynaldim. Relate qila olmadim juda. Shukurki. Faqat developmental psychology qarashi tomonidan tahlil qilib bordim.

Hozir oynaga qarab ko’radigan katta odamimiz qachondir, ancha oldin bola bo’lgan? Qanday bola bo’lgan edi? Hali ham esimizdami? Hammasi? Yoki eng muhimlari? Og’riqlarimiz? Qo’rqinchli voqealarimiz? Qo’rqqanimizda qayerga bekinganmiz? Yoki kimdir qutqargan? Can we remember? Eslay olamizmi? Yig’laganimizda qanday ovutishgan? Kim ovutgan? O’zi kimdir ovutganmi? Yoki faqat qattiqqo’lliklar orasida qolib ketganmizmi? Safe haven’imiz qayerlarda qolib ketdi?

Tasavvur qiling, kichkina go’daksiz, 4-5 yoshlar. Asabiy, lekin sizga yaxshi holatga ko’rinishga uringan onangiz bilan dadangizning ishxonasiga keldingiz. Ikkovlari xonaga kirib ketishdi. Siz tinchgina o’ynab o’tiribsiz. Birdan oynaning yoniga kelib qoldingiz. Ayol kishining oyog’i yerda cho’zilib yotganini ko’rdingiz. Onangizni esa shu ondan beri qayta ko’rmadingiz. Otangiz esa hech narsa bo’lmagandek siz bilan yashashni davom ettirdi. Pretty crazy, huh?

Bunaqa hayot minglab insonlarda bor. Aynan shunaqa adverse traumatic experience’lar qanday qilib jismoniy sog’liqqa yomon ta’sir qilishi haqida kitobda uzun hikoya qilinadi. Quvonarlisi, so’nggida qanday bularni yengish, qanday qilib mana shundaqa traumalar bilan ham yaxshi ota-ona bo’lish haqida so’z boradi. Psych’da o’rgangan juda ko’p narsalarim oldimdan chiqdi. Men ularni ilmiy holda o’rgangan bo’lsam, ularni ilmiy-ommaviy shaklda ko’rdim. To’liqroq tushundim. Chaynab-chaynab, maza qilib o’qidim.

Eng qizig’i, kitobning bir necha joyida University of Minnesota’ning aynan men o’qiydigan departmenti - Deparment of Child Development qilingan researchlar keltirilgandi. Odam o’zining univerini, yana o’zining departmentini ko’rib xursand bo’larkan. Proud to be a UMN psych student!

@MinnesotanPeggy
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29 Sep 2024, 06:46

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- I love you very much, Christopher. Don't ever forget that. And I know I lose my rag occasionally. I know I get angry. I know I shout. And I know I shouldn't. But I only do it because I worry about you, because I don't want to see you getting into trouble, because I don't want you to get hurt.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time by Mark Haddon.


Share your quotes of the day from your current readings.

@MinnesotanPeggy
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