Mukhammad Amin | W7.5

Pay special attention to the second main body paragraph. The candidate overuses linking phrases such as "firstly," "secondly," and "lastly," which can make the writing feel formulaic and mechanical. This overuse may negatively impact the Coherence and Cohesion (CC) score. 🔔

#task2 💡

This is an excerpt from a typical essay-checking process of mine. This report is written by one of the students from the Elite group. Take a look at the comments and suggestions I’ve provided – these can significantly impact the overall quality of his writing. Not only did I highlight the areas that need improvement, but I also included suggestions that could transform the entire piece. Additionally, I’ve provided an approximate/estimated score along with a breakdown to give a clear picture of where improvements are needed.

If you want to get your reports and essays checked by me in detail, reach out to me: @FormalBoy ✉️

#task1 💡

In this report, there are serious grammar issues, misused vocabulary, and confusing sentence structures that interfere with clarity and task achievement. 📌

Areas to Improve: ⬇️
- Grammar and Sentence Structure
- Misused Words / Inappropriate Vocabulary
- Clarity and Accuracy
- Punctuation and Formatting

#task1 💡

This is an excerpt from a typical essay-checking process.

Now, you know what I feel when it comes to student essays.

be endowed with phrasal verb 💎

Meaning: to naturally possess or be born with a particular quality, ability, or characteristic. ✔️

Magnus Carlsen is endowed with strong visualization, pattern recognition, positional understanding, and flawless endgame; therefore, he's the greatest player of all time.

#WordOfTheDay #wotd

The diagrams illustrate how a particular waterfront area in Darwin transformed from 2009 to 2014.

Generally, the town became less vulnerable to pollution with the conversion of industrial territories into green spaces. Other changes include expansion in the capacity of residential blocks, establishment of a higher institution of education, as well as the construction of a harbor for ship traffic convenience. What is perhaps less noticeable is that walkers could get around easier as footpaths were laid in the places they were lacking in the past and an extra pool was facilitated for public use.

Focusing first on the changes that took place on land, the lake and trees surrounded by the round footpath were kept intact, though the industrial spot to the left of them was removed from the image. There was a school and the center of convention near, just outside this loop, which similarly, were never touched. However, twice more house blocks were erected in addition to those in the residence directly in the middle of the area. A completely new facility that was not around in 2009 – a university – was established and placed slightly to the west of the local residences. The large-scale change can be observed in a location of a former industrial land, where rows of trees were planted in 2014.

Examining the water features next, there were relatively fewer changes. One of those is an addition of a swimming pool on the top left corner, a place which formerly did not offer such facilities nor served a particular purpose. Another construction that was missing in 2009 was a harbor, which in 2014, stood on the right side of the map. Lastly, the fishing area was still a part of the town, just like the road which led to it.

#ReportByMe ✉️

I and Muhammadjon aka, a former member of the Elite group 1.0, wrote this overview and body paragraph about three weeks ago. Look at these pictures and witness how beautiful our language usage and content truly are; out-of-this-world English and relevant comparisons are decorating these papers. 💎

P.S. His test is just around the corner; at the end of April. I'm sure if he writes such report in his real exam, he will definitely get/secure that elusive writing 7.0. Best of luck on your exam, bro!

While reading articles, stop hoarding words like a vocab-obsessed zombie – make sure you also focus on learning a variety of grammar structures, too. An appositive phrase is a great example here.

An appositive phrase is a group of words that gives extra information about a noun. It usually comes right after the noun it explains and is often set off by commas.

🔍 Why is it useful in IELTS?

Using appositive phrases can help you: ⬇️

- Add details clearly and naturally.
- Make your writing more advanced.
- Show a range of grammar structures (important for Band 7+)

Obesity is becoming a major public health issue in many countries. What are the main causes of obesity? What can be done to tackle it?

It has been noted that obesity has become a widespread public health concern among the vast majority of people, particularly in Western communities. While there are clear reasons to contribute to this issue, I firmly believe that several effective measures can be taken to mitigate it.

Why is obesity becoming an increasingly serious problem worldwide?  With the intensification of competition in the international job market, along with soaring living expenses and financial hardships, many individuals now work long hours and endure heavy workloads to advance in their careers, which has led to the rise of busy schedules. Given these circumstances, it is not surprising to see people opting for fast food products and neglecting sports activities to save time, ultimately leading to chronic health conditions like obesity. A notable example is my home country, Uzbekistan, where a significant number of citizens fail to engage in regular exercise and eat a balanced diet due to a lack of free time.

There are various ways in which the problem of obesity can be addressed. On a governmental scale, it is essential to promote healthy lifestyles. This can be accomplished by increasing the number of well-equipped and conveniently located sports facilities, such as gyms and swimming pools; expanding green spaces like local parks and communal gardens to encourage physical activity; imposing high taxes on fattening food products like fast food items, processed meals, and sugary drinks to promote healthier choices; and launching public awareness campaigns, including school-based programs and community outreach initiatives, which can encourage the consumption of nutritious foods like fruits and vegetables. In the absence of these measures, more and more people gain excess weight, which not only leads to obesity but also to chronic health ailments like osteoporosis and diabetes.

To conclude, the growing prevalence of obesity is driven by modern lifestyle demands, specifically long working hours and unhealthy dietary habits. By implementing the aforementioned proactive measures, however, authorities can curb this issue.

Words: 323, 31 minutes. 🚀
Written on March 26, 2025. 🗓

#EssayByMe ✉️

Many people now work from home due to advances in technology.

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working from home.

We are now living in a world driven by the latest advancements in digital technology, where remote work has become commonplace, particularly in Western communities. There are a number of advantages and disadvantages to working from home.

There is no denying that remote working comes with its fair share of problems. The first one relates to the difficulty employers face in supervising employees. Unlike traditional workplaces, where managers can directly oversee staff, the absence of in-person supervision at home can lead to discipline issues for the latter. Consequently, employees may struggle to meet deadlines, reducing overall productivity for the company. Another drawback is the challenge of maintaining a work-life balance. Being surrounded by family can lead to unavoidable distractions, such as running errands and babysitting when a partner is occupied with other household chores. The overlap between personal and professional life makes it difficult to devote equal attention to both.

Despite these problems, there are also benefits to working at home. Chief among them is flexibility. At home, they can structure their work according to their own schedules. Unlike office environments, where employees must adhere to rigid nine-to-five hours, home-based employees have the freedom to accomplish tasks at any time. This flexibility can lead to greater efficiency, allowing them to finish work in less time and dedicate more hours to family, friends, and personal pursuits. Another notable advantage is cost and time savings. Location-independent professionals can eliminate commuting expenses and time lost in transit, saving more in the family budget. Little to no traveling to work, in turn, means less reliance on transportation, with this reduced use addressing issues like traffic congestion and pollution to some extent.

To conclude, remote employment has both upsides and downsides. While the former includes flexibility and environmental sustainability, so does the latter reduced employer oversight and possible home distractions.

Words: 305, 33 minutes. 🚀
Written on March 25, 2025. 🗓

#EssayByMe ✉️

The diagrams illustrate the transformation of a particular district called Salata in Klong City from 1985, when the population was 12,000, to the present day, with a population of 18,000. 

Overall, the district has undergone significant urbanization, with an expansion of residential areas, the addition of an airport, and improvements to infrastructure. It is also clear that green spaces, while reduced, remain a feature of the area.

Looking more closely at the details, in 1985, the district had two main residential zones, Residential Area 1 and Residential Area 2, located near the river. While the grain elevator stood on the right corner, factories were situated on the eastern part, below which was a huge park. The church was in the north, whereas the supermarket was in the northwest of the district.

At present, several new facilities are introduced. The new airport is established at the expense of a large park, while a new residential area and supermarket are constructed on the western part. Of particular note is the fact that the church, factories, and grain elevator have remained intact, with the last one being expanded slightly. Despite these shifts, a couple of small parks are introduced adjacent to a church.

Words: 200, 15 minutes. 🚀
Potential score: 7.5 – 8/7/7/8. 💎
Written on January 13, 2025. 🗓

#ReportByMe ✉️

BAND 9 OVERVIEW BY ME: ⬇️

The bar graph details changes in the number of people using the services of three popular airports in New York City (NYC) – John F. Kennedy, LaGuardia, and Newark – from 1995 to 2000. The figures are measured in millions.

Overall, all airports followed an upward trend, albeit at varying degrees. It is also noteworthy that LaGuardia had nearly consistently the highest number of travelers and was the only airport that adhered to a constant rising trend. In contrast, its general growth notwithstanding, JFK exhibited noticeable fluctuations, whereas Newark had the lowest number of travelers for most of the period, except in 1998 and 1999.

P.S. I haven't even edited or proofread this yet. If I do, it will be a flawless Band 9 overview.

#task1 📈

My sample for this bar chart that appeared in yesterday's mock exam at Proper LC: ⬇️

The horizontal bar graph compares the amount of money spent on six different items by people in four European countries. Units are measured in thousands of pounds sterling.

Overall, the UK expended by far the largest amount of money across all categories; Italy and France followed some way behind, albeit to varying extents, while the opposite was true for Germany. It is also noteworthy that all nations allocated significantly more money on photographic films compared to other consumer goods.

The widest gap was observed in Britain and Germany’s spending figures. About a chart high of £172,000 was devoted to photographic films in the first country, significantly surpassing/far exceeding the second nation, where people spent a little over £145,000. Virtually the same amounts can be seen in the allocation of toys, with the UK leading the pack at a whopping £168,000 and Germany trailing far behind at around £148,000. The expenditure on the remaining categories—CDs, perfumes, tennis racquets, and personal stereos—ranged between £145,000 and £150,000 for Germany, while in the UK, it was well above £150,000.

Italy and France, in stark contrast, constituted fairly similar spending amounts for some of the listed items. Toys were a notable example, with both countries spending an identical amount of nearly £159,000. The sales of tennis racquets and perfumes in France registered more or less £145,000, which was approximately 10 thousand pounds less than those in Italy. The expenditure on stereos is another striking similarity between these nations, which accounted for roughly £150,000.

Words: 248, 20 minutes. 🚀
Potential score: 8.0 – 8/9/8/8. 💎
Written on March 17, 2025. 🗓

#ReportByMe ✉️