Self-Deception
One of my greatest fears is self-deception. I am deeply scared of lying to myself more than to anyone else. This year, as I began my freshman year as a medical student, I observed many instances of people consciously or subconsciously deceiving themselves. Initially, I doubted whether I could handle the rigor of medical school. But over time, I realized it was manageable as long as I had passion and determination.
However, I soon encountered something I disliked even more: competition. I hate the idea of excelling at something only to see others feel disappointed or inadequate. While competition can push people to grow and improve, not everyone responds positively to it. I also noticed that academic performance often felt subjective. Teachers seemed to grade us not just on our knowledge but by comparing us to our peers. This led me to another realization: how much communication and confidence—or, as I call it, "pretending to know"—influence outcomes.
This pretense, in my opinion, is a form of self-deception. By creating an illusion of competence, we deceive not only our teachers but also ourselves. Worse, this behavior is contagious. When one person succeeds through pretense, others are tempted to do the same. This cycle erodes authenticity, which is why I believe it’s crucial to be honest—with ourselves and others.
My first semester taught me the importance of staying true to my values. I briefly considered following the crowd, but thankfully, I realized that wasn’t who I am. Instead, I’ve learned to embrace authenticity, even when it’s difficult. Be true to yourself, discover your own values, and hold onto them—no matter what.
Shahzoda (with the help of chatgprt)
